Cha-Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes...Time to Face The Pain (and the joy)

Life throws us poop sometimes. Flying turds that seem to be heat seeking and accurate in their trajectory and they nail us just when we think we can cope with our circumstances. Lately (for about 2 years now) I've been dodging and hurtling some pretty nasty ones. I have to say I've managed to avoid a direct hit, although I have at times, trudged through the aftermath with poop up to my knees.

Now, just when I've recovered from a pretty hard surgery, my husband reveals that he feels that we are incompatible. Our relationship is more like a brother and sister thing to him and he sees a divorce as inevitable. Le Sigh...I don't disagree, in fact I've felt the same way for a long time. God knows I love him and I know he loves me but we are the epitome of indifference toward each other.

He couldn't be less interested and neither could I. We function together to take care of the needs of those who depend on us, but we have no spark or passion for each other and haven't for a long time. We don't have enough in common to enjoy spending time together and we are tired of hearing about each other's work. There are no dates. There are no plans, No vacations. No conversations. Just a cool existence under the same roof. Twenty years of marriage has taken its toll.

I had a pretty rough time the first couple of days once he was honest with me about us, but after that I started to feel some weird feeling rise up in my chest. It was vaguely familiar and I knew that I had felt it before but it had been a very long time. It was excitement... joy... the sort of feeling people must get when they know there's only a short time before they get out of jail.

I started making plans and getting things going and within 4 days I had lots of things handled that would help me navigate the coming turd onslaught. I seem to be dodging them with a spring in my step now! Much more adeptly than before and I'm moving so fast even my feet don't get spattered when they hit.

The best thing is, he and I are in mutual agreement and so far there's been no need to get ugly or threatening or weird about things. I think we can work this whole thing out and both be happier at the end of it all and maybe even be great friends after everything is sorted out.

Its strange that I can feel so weak and helpless recovering all that time and overnight feel like a lightning rod goddess with a magic lasso and an invisible jet complete with my own turd launching shit storm creating capabilities. Hopefully, I don't have to use those tools but it sure is nice to know they're there.